I have found myself at a crossroads in my life, and have the opportunity to finally open myself to a new adventure and let myself flourish. I have always been very concerned for those around me and though I still am, I have realized I need to find what it is that will make me happy. I am the second child of 8 and was the first to go to school. My parents have always been able to provide for me and help me to pay for my expenses while I have been at school, however in the last 8 months my family has fallen on hard times. Due to this, I have become responsible for paying everything myself; my housing, my books, my tuition, food, and any other misc. things that come up. I am now going to school and working full time to stay on top of all my bills (which I recently calculated to be just shy of $850 a month). I am an accountable person and am willing to do whatever it takes to help my family and keep myself afloat, however, it would be nice to be able to easily afford my housing, tuition and hopefully be happy at the same time.
One thing I have been thinking about a lot lately is what I can do to move forward and focus less on the negatives in my daily life; to see the mini miracles God has been giving me. I have been wrestling with the fact that I am not happy and have been fasting and praying to know how to move forward and where my next adventure awaits me. I have had many Priesthood Blessings, each telling me I already have been given my answer and I need to begin listening. So I'm really trying to open my Spiritual ears to understand what I have been told.
On the morning of Monday, February 10th (has it really only been a week?!) after fasting, praying, and receiving another blessing for guidance, I received an email from my Aunt Amy. She and her husband Jake were in Provo dropping their oldest son at the Missionary Training Center (MTC) to serve a full time 2 year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in the Czech/ Slovak Mission the week before and I had gone over to see him off. Amy told me in her letter, that as she and Jake had left they began thinking about me. She told me she didn't know why, but she needed to tell me that if I wanted it she and Jake would finance me to be able to serve my own mission. This was the answer I was looking for.Amy and Jake didn't know it, but when I thought about going on my mission last fall, I ultimately decided against it because I couldn't afford it. With school, work and my credit cards I need to pay off I am still unsure of how it is all going to work out. However, I know that even within the last week (still really weird to me) God has blessed me so much because I decided to listen to His guidance and comforting Spirit. I went ahead and made the necessary appointments I need, and I moved out of my apartment (to live in my newlywed brothers spare room) as well as going to visit the temple and continually praying to figure out my next steps. I know this is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done, but I know it is going to be worth everything.
There are going to be many times throughout my life I will look back and see the many crossroads I have passed through and I am so glad I am learning now how to listen to the Lord and follow Him so I never will wonder if I chose the right path. I will be able to look back at my life with gratitude and joy as I see the memories and blessings given to me because of my faithfulness. I will always be grateful for the trials and struggles I go through because I have the knowledge that God is with me and He knows not only what is best for me, but He knows all I can handle.
