What is Christmas?

We have had a great week of getting to know you's and working hard. Our big focus here in Owego right now is the Less Active members. We have been seeing them and trying to help them grow in their Testimonies and it has been so amazing to see how reading from the Book of Mormon and talking about it together, taking no more than 20-30 minutes out of their day, has really help and strengthened so many people. The Book of Mormon is amazing!

I have been thinking a lot this Christmas Season and have been reflecting on "the True Meaning of Christmas". I was blessed growing up knowing that Christmas isn't about the gifts we receive, it is about Christ's birth and about giving gifts to others as He would give to us. On my mission these last 6 month's, I have really come to understand Christ's Atonement and how we can't focus on that, without recognizing that the Birth is crucial to His death. 

In the Christmas Devotional last week I loved how Sister Oscarson quoted E. T. Sullivan, who said: “When God wants a great work done in the world or a great wrong righted, he goes about it in a very unusual way. He doesn't stir up his earthquakes or send forth his thunderbolts. Instead, he has a helpless baby born. … And then God waits. The greatest forces in the world are not the earthquakes and the thunderbolts. The greatest forces in the world are babies.” Christ came into this world as a helpless baby, just as we all do. He then had to learn and grow, "line upon line, precept upon precept". He went through temptations and suffering, as we all will, and He overcame death so that we could all do likewise. Everything that Christ is is what we should be striving to become. His birth represents the Beginning, it represents humility & love, Joy & peace. Christ represents Life everlasting, and He represents all we can become as we turn our thought, actions, and hearts over to Him, not just at Christmastime, but all through the year. These gifts, and feelings of love for all mankind should be what we feel daily, it shouldn't be a "once a year event".

I have come to truly understand why He chose this path and why He has been with me though all the good, bad, and hard things I've gone through, and that reason is simply because He loves me. He wants to see me smile, He wants to be that Friend I can count on and turn to when I feel so lonely, or far from home. He has so much to offer each one of us, not only those of us who have chosen to be baptized and accept Him in our lives, but for those who don't know or understand it yet. He wants us to learn and grow and help our friends to see this joy too! 

Recently I read this talk https://www.lds.org/ensign/1977/10/what-are-nonmembers-interested-in?lang=eng and have really learned how much I could have done in my life and in the lives of my non-member friends. I really wish these "secrets" you learn on the Mission were things that I knew before....but I guess that's part of why I'm out here. It's to learn and become better, and then to #sharegoodness ;) 

I Love this Gospel and I KNOW without a doubt in my mind that it is true! I know that Heavenly Father Loves us and that is why He send Jesus Christ to the Earth to Atone for our sins. I know this Mission was the best, hardest decision I have ever made and I wouldn't trade it for the world. 

What have I done?

I climbed into my be at 9:30 hoping to get some much needed sleep, only to toss and turn for about 2 hours. I finally decided to give up and do something productive while I am unable to sleep, so I finished an assignment, sent some emails, checked my Facebook, etc. Now here I am at 1:30 realizing I have school in the morning and a test I'm not ready for and all I can think about is my meeting with my Stake President tomorrow/tonight. I have finished all of my paperwork, I went and had a physical, got all my dental work finished, and met with my Bishop. I am one step away from being able to go on a Mission. I am so excited!!

Yet at the same time I am terrified. All I can think about is how insignificant I am. I'm not good with words and even though I can talk to people and make friends pretty easy...I can't talk to random strangers. I keep thinking back to times my Non-Member friends would ask me about the Church, and all I could do was say "Its what we do."  I am not ready to go serve full time for a year and a half and teach other people about this Gospel. I don't know everything yet, I can barely stay afloat as is. How am I supposed to show someone, and teach them. I can't do this! This is going to be hard work! It is going to be long days, filled with frustration, fear, anxiety, and tears. I have no idea where I will go, I have no idea the language I will be asked to speak, I feel so small and inadequate to even attempt to be going down this new path in my life.

Why am I going through with this? What am I doing? Who do I think I am?

The Crossroads

I have found myself at a crossroads in my life, and have the opportunity to finally open myself to a new adventure and let myself flourish. I have always been very concerned for those around me and though I still am, I have realized I need to find what it is that will make me happy.

I am the second child of 8 and was the first to go to school. My parents have always been able to provide for me and help me to pay for my expenses while I have been at school, however in the last 8 months my family has fallen on hard times. Due to this, I have become responsible for paying everything myself; my housing, my books, my tuition, food, and any other misc. things that come up. I am now going to school and working full time to stay on top of all my bills (which I recently calculated to be just shy of $850 a month). I am an accountable person and am willing to do whatever it takes to help my family and keep myself afloat, however, it would be nice to be able to easily afford my housing, tuition and hopefully be happy at the same time.

One thing I have been thinking about a lot lately is what I can do to move forward and focus less on the negatives in my daily life; to see the mini miracles God has been giving me. I have been wrestling with the fact that I am not happy and have been fasting and praying to know how to move forward and where my next adventure awaits me. I have had many Priesthood Blessings, each telling me I already have been given my answer and I need to begin listening. So I'm really trying to open my Spiritual ears to understand what I have been told.

On the morning of Monday, February 10th (has it really only been a week?!) after fasting, praying, and receiving another blessing for guidance, I received an email from my Aunt Amy. She and her husband Jake were in Provo dropping their oldest son at the Missionary Training Center (MTC) to serve a full time 2 year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in the Czech/ Slovak Mission the week before and I had gone over to see him off. Amy told me in her letter, that as she and Jake had left they began thinking about me. She told me she didn't know why, but she needed to tell me that if I wanted it she and Jake would finance me to be able to serve my own mission. This was the answer I was looking for.

Amy and Jake didn't know it, but when I thought about going on my mission last fall, I ultimately decided against it because I couldn't afford it. With school, work and my credit cards I need to pay off I am still unsure of how it is all going to work out. However, I know that even within the last week (still really weird to me) God has blessed me so much because I decided to listen to His guidance and comforting Spirit. I went ahead and made the necessary appointments I need, and I moved out of my apartment (to live in my newlywed brothers spare room) as well as going to visit the temple and continually praying to figure out my next steps. I know this is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done, but I know it is going to be worth everything.

There is still so much for me to do; I need to sell my contract, finish the paperwork, somehow make it to Alaska to renew my Drivers License, file my taxes, pay off my 3 credit cards (this in and of itself is a daunting task), figure out where I will take out my Endowments, not to mention school and the classes I am currently enrolled in, and so much more. I have no idea how I will accomplish these tasks, or when I will know my next step, all I know is God is with me and He is taking care of me and my family. My storms may be many, but I know that with God and my Savior Jesus Christ anything is possible. I just need my little seed of faith, for soon I will have a great garden where I will be truly happy and loved by my Master. Where I will be welcomed home with open arms saying "My daughter, I knew you would make it. You have done well my good and faithful servant. I love you and am glad you are finally home."

There are going to be many times throughout my life I will look back and see the many crossroads I have passed through and I am so glad I am learning now how to listen to the Lord and follow Him so I never will wonder if I chose the right path. I will be able to look back at my life with gratitude and joy as I see the memories and blessings given to me because of my faithfulness. I will always be grateful for the trials and struggles I go through because I have the knowledge that God is with me and He knows not only what is best for me, but He knows all I can handle.