I climbed into my be at 9:30 hoping to get some much needed sleep, only to toss and turn for about 2 hours. I finally decided to give up and do something productive while I am unable to sleep, so I finished an assignment, sent some emails, checked my Facebook, etc. Now here I am at 1:30 realizing I have school in the morning and a test I'm not ready for and all I can think about is my meeting with my Stake President tomorrow/tonight. I have finished all of my paperwork, I went and had a physical, got all my dental work finished, and met with my Bishop. I am one step away from being able to go on a Mission. I am so excited!!
Yet at the same time I am terrified. All I can think about is how insignificant I am. I'm not good with words and even though I can talk to people and make friends pretty easy...I can't talk to random strangers. I keep thinking back to times my Non-Member friends would ask me about the Church, and all I could do was say "Its what we do." I am not ready to go serve full time for a year and a half and teach other people about this Gospel. I don't know everything yet, I can barely stay afloat as is. How am I supposed to show someone, and teach them. I can't do this! This is going to be hard work! It is going to be long days, filled with frustration, fear, anxiety, and tears. I have no idea where I will go, I have no idea the language I will be asked to speak, I feel so small and inadequate to even attempt to be going down this new path in my life.
Why am I going through with this? What am I doing? Who do I think I am?
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